dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
