I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
