I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
