Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
