Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
