There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
