she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Randomize
