i think i have two assholes
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
