Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
