I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i may or may not be watching the land before time
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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