Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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