batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
