and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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