Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
