I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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