perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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