So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
