I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize