You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
