If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
