only you would photoshop your dick
I love having hate sex.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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