dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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