Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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