Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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