a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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