did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
It's just like the Real World with babies
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
