The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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