But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I want to have your abortion
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Randomize
