I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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