you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
