No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
