Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Randomize
