so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
