I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
