I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize