Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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