It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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