Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
