Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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