Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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