But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
