First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
