What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
