Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
