apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
