what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize