Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize