She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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