What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
