So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Randomize