Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
