You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
