Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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