I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
