You're so nebulous sometimes
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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