I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I think people are normalizing furries
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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