her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
