ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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