i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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