I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
