i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
