i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
