yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
