nut hugger
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
