My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
