I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
