Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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